So I found out interesting news last night. Apparently two of our friends have decided to dissolve their marriage. And, I probably shouldn’t be blogging about it necessarily cuz they and their/our friends probably read my blog, but, I’m not mentioning anyone by name to play it safe, and, you know what, this is my blog and these are my thoughts and my feelings so if you have a problem with it, oh well.
Anyway, Steve said to me the other day that things come in “threes” and we’ve already witnessed two relationships fall apart since moving to Tallahassee, and we’re sadly waiting on the third, but hoping it will never come. Steve’s boss & her hubbs went though a “rough patch” I guess, to the point where she moved out, on two different occasions…and, supposedly she’s back in for good, but, they never talk to us anymore (I dunno if they’re just having a crapload of *couple* time or what, but basically, Steve sees her at work and that’s it). But, I can almost guarantee that if it takes another turn for the worst, her husband will surely call up Steve for support. So I guess that’s when we’ll know. And, now our other friends that have been going through a “rough patch” for several months now (which we all witnessed and knew about but, they never really talked about it or didn’t really want to admit it was happening) have decided to end it. Sometimes you wish things didn’t have to happen, or wonder “what if they did this” or “what if he/she did that” that maybe they could still make it, but, while they are my friends, I must say my knowledge on the history of the situation really isn’t that in depth so I really can’t say or hope either way. I guess I just hope because they are my friends and going through this crap isn’t easy on anyone.
As for the third – we almost have an idea of who it may be (which, again is sad that things have to come in “threes”) but, this particular couple never really had a “real” marriage to begin with – there were certain situations that led to them to get married (and, no, the kid came WAY later). So, not sure if they technically count, but, I guess, technically they are married, and, we’re just wondering how much longer the facade will hold up. Don’t get me wrong, these guys don’t fight (well, they fight as all couples do) or hate each other to the extent that they can’t be around each other, I just don’t really think they ever were “in love” with each other the way most people (or I hope most people) tend to be when they get married.
And, something else that I find interesting about all three of these particular couples, are that, in each instance, the female seemed to be the dominant personality in the relationship. Each of them fairly bossy, and, each of them having no problems (whether they knew it or not) showing some sort of disrespect to their husbands in public. WIfe “A” pretty much just ignores her husband, and brings her BFF or her mom with her everywhere she goes. Almost like a security blanket because she’s afraid to be alone with him or something. I dunno – but I know she is also married to her job, and rarely communicates with her husband about anything, and, when she does, BFF is around (or, so it appears to me, these are purely my observations). Wife “B” & “C” just tend to be on the bossy side ordering their husbands around – I’ve even heard wife “C” tell her husband “you’re so stupid” more than once, in front of people. And, Wife “B” tends to treat her husband almost like a servant, and is overly demanding on small things and gets mad if they’re not up to “par” – when, I feel if you really want it to be perfect that badly, do it yourself.
Now – don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I’ve never unknowingly disrespected Steve in public (because I’m sure I have, in fact, I can think of cases where I know I have) – but, he also is quick to let me know what pisses him off and let me know what I did that makes him feel like shit (and vise versa). The common problem I have noticed between all three couples is communication. Its almost like, neither party in all cases is willing to confront their spouses and be like, “You know what, I’m having a problem with you because….” or, “I hate when you…” Steve and I do this ALL the time, and, yes, it does lead to fights on occasion, but, I really can’t think of a time where we’ve been mad at each other for more than maybe 24 – 48hrs. We may fight, but, we’re really good at resolving the issue at the same time. And, beleive me, we can fight about the same crap over and over too, which is funny cuz we think we resolved it when apparently we didn’t. And, one of Steve’s observations in these situations, is that none of these couples go to church together. They do say that “couples that pray together stay together” – and, none of these couples that are having marital issues have any religious aspirations at all. And, i’m also not saying that they need to be Chrisitan to have a strong marriage – this has been studied with any sort of religious beliefs. But the couples we do know that seem to have strong marriages do go to church (or temple, or wherever) and share thes same spiritual beliefs.
Anyway – this blog isn’t meant to be judgemental or claim that I’m better than anyone or claim that I have all the answers and that I have a perfect marraige – because I don’t. No one does. But, just my thoughts about these situations and that they’ve been bugging me, and well, I felt like blogging about it.
